Archive | April, 2012

Flexing military muscles without arms

20 Apr

Of Merry Missiles and MAD Men
Graphics: Avijit Das

When the army chief V.K.Singh’s letter bomb to the Prime Minister exploded the myth of India’s military might, few imagined that there would be light at the end of our defective deterrence tunnel. Less than a month later, the God of Fire smiled on us. With the test-firing of  his namesake, the Agni V inter-continental ballistic missile, we were taken out of our defense doldrums and jet-propelled into the elite club of missile super studs.

You would think now that would make the world sit up and give the country its due of fear-induced respect. But oh, no, no! Our Prime Minister has spoiled it for us. Totally taken in by his benign blinking presence, except for a paranoid Pakistan, the rest cannot imagine a belligerent India all set to nuke its neighbours. Poof! There disappears our missile mirage! Wait, not so fast!

As all war is about deception so also is all power about perception.When our pols fall short of projecting it, we can always count on our ‘in battle-mode’ media to do the job.  Keen to not let the country be deprived of  its moment under the sun, our press packed a punch with their headlines predicting everything short of the missile actually hitting the world’s latest hate-crush China.  Unfortunately, while we were ready to celebrate the 5000 km giant leap into mass annihalation, that killjoy called reality intervened.

Bubble-bursting fact 1: Our WMD would have to fly through more testing times before it would be able to enter the country’s dust-gathering armory.  So for those trigger-happy gents ready to air it for use, they would just have to wait for the day when the Chinese would discover their distaste for money and shun a business relationship worth USD 100 billion for the simple pleasure of firing missiles at us. Thus, our flight of fantasy hits a snag when it comes to deterrence as our leaders full of moral vim and no military vigour volunteered for a “no first use policy”.

Bubble-bursting fact 2:  What with the ball being in our frenemy’s court and its  fire power far exceeding our’s-  at least by 7000km- Cold War’s Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD) doctrine of deterrence has gone cold. The “East Wind” (China’s Dongfeng 41 ICBM) is up to speed, and ready to snuff out our second strike capability.

But what the heck! We got ourselves an ICBM. Woo hoo!

Our army chief might bemoan the fact that our tanks are ready to keel over, that our air defense is in the ICU and that our infantry and specialized forces are far from being fighting fit.   He might ask for a booster shot of Rs. 41000 crore to resuscitate the military and through infusion of further cash, hasten its recovery. He might caution against sweetheart deals that are not too picky over the quality of defense procurement by the world’s largest arms importer. But look at the big picture. Blitzkrieg is so passé ! Who needs ground support when the heaven and the gods are with us!

My colleague at the news bureau, bristling at the studied nonchalance of  the foreign press, exclaimed, ” If we were North Korea, we would have been front page fare. But look! They have given us a few measly lines! They want to pass off India as a mild-mannered grannie! Well you should meet my grannie. Give her a shiny new cane and see her strike fear into the backyard bully!”

The doubters might ask what if her hand is not strong enough to raise the cane and her legs too bent to give chase? Well, our military arms might be weak, but it is the spirit that counts! So start flexing those imagined muscles.  For who knows North Korea might finally get its missile right and then, I guess, we would have to “die another day”.

Mamata bats for Mum

13 Apr

When the artless Ambikesh Mahapatra, a chemistry professor of Jadavpur University, forwarded a caricature of Mamata Banerjee, little did he know that cartoons fell under the supreme leader’s category of conspiracy rather than culture. One can hardly blame the man of science for getting his art wrong. But to  ignore the basic survival rule of his trade- “Handle with care: volatile mix”…and that too, when dealing with Bengal’s big flame, M.B., the Queen of Hearts ?! Mamata’s minions rushed to cool her down by assaulting and then arresting the Forward Fiend.

While the mainstream media  erupted over the attack on the freedom of thought and expression, the  professor learnt an important lesson. In this topsy-turvy version of  democracy, he was not free to criticize  his elected representative while she was free to condemn him.

Just as another Queen of another Wonderland had once said, “All ways here are my ways”, so also is freedom what the party in power makes of it. In its zealous mission of “civilizing people” and stopping them from spreading “canards” (Bengal’s Transport Minister Madam Mitra),  Mamata and her party  blessed with the flexible forces of law justified taking liberties with liberty.

So whether it is a case of a gag order or gag at the order, the fact remains that in the rabbit-hole politics of West Bengal, the party can make itself heard loud and clear, but for the masses, mum is the word.

Quaking and Tweeting

12 Apr

When nature threw a hissy fit on April 11, 2012, the earth trembled, the ocean churned and the people of Chennai rushed to the beach to catch the spectacle “live” (Times of India). Thankfully, they remained alive as nature spared them their stupidity and the trauma of tsunami after landing an 8.6 blow to Banda Aceh, Indonesia, one of its favourite punching bags. While people tweeted, the sea level rose by 10 cm in Chennai and Vishakapatnam and by…whoa…40 cm in Campbell Bay, Nicobar island.

Unlike in 2004 when “the people in the know” had been rendered senseless by nature’s fist of fury, the country’s storm chasers like the Indian National Centre for Ocean Information Services and the Tsunami Early Warning System rapidly warned 28 countries within the Line of Fire while critical infra establishments like subways and ports went on a reflexive shutdown mode.

Okay, this time, we were let off on a slight technicality of the earth being shaken horizontally rather than vertically. But if nature had thought to do so otherwise, then the huffing and puffing ocean would have definitely roughed us up.

So people, if you have that irresistible urge to tweet in the face of danger, try a 140 character-building exercise of saving lives while saving yourself. Send location feeds and warnings, evacuate to higher grounds, don’t use elevators, carry a box of disaster supplies, put on a dust mask, and during an earthquake, kindly drop to the floor or take cover under a desk and hold on for dear life. It also helps to have a battery operated portable radio in case your internet connection ditches you as in India it is wont to do.

Recalling the Bee Gees not to subtle point on it, “…feel the city breakin and everybody shakin, and we’re stayin alive, stayin alive…ah, ha, ha, stayin alive, stayin alive” .

Republican Rat Race

12 Apr

Ricky given the push off, Romney leads the Rat Pack. With the Tea Party losing its master of ceremonies, the fun goes out of the Republican ramblings. One can only take so much of Obama earnestly jawing on about Buffet Rule and tax reforms. Miss you Republican crazies. Your far-out quotes made journalists such an enriched lot.